toute seule, au bureau

today i am alone in the office. my colleague is on holiday: i have very little to do.
it’s just me and the buzz and whirr of electrical equipment, the click-click-grind of the hard drive, the rattle of my own keyboard, the muffled ratchet-roll of my mouse scroll button. in this small box-room, i hear the heels of the administrative staff as they pass over my head on the floor above: seemingly on a mission - probably for the kitchen for tea, or the toilet...
there is a dull ache in my thoracic spine and my shoulders have set hard in one position for lack of movement. my tea, now cooled to a pleasant temperature for imbibing, first pauses in my mouth before sliding pleasingly down my throat and warms me from within. the quiet emphasises the noise of my swallowing as the tea is forced by the cartilaginous ridges of my trachea which presses on my oesophagus. i have a skinny neck.
the tea is my comforter and provider. a home comfort i can enjoy uninhibited at work. a home from home. a drug: i am physically and emotionally addicted.
outside my office window i hear the wind rustle the leaves of the trees; the stray cry of a seagull as he glides effortlessly on the thermals rising from the biosciences building, and the occasional shriek from one of the many resident magpies. the vertical blinds sway gently in the breeze mostly silent but for the odd metallic tapping of the chain that joins the weighted sections together along the bottom.
it is at times like this that i feel imprisoned: trapped by my own conscience. what is most frustrating is that i am capable of exercising my own free will. there is nothing physical stopping me from just getting up and leaving. going for a marathon walk and not coming back.... but it is all at the risk of losing my employment, and ultimately, following an unfortunate but inevitable chain of events, my home, pets, and maybe even husband. i have a responsibility to myself and others to sit here. to grin and bear it. do other people think about running away as much as i do?
today is a quiet day, perhaps the next will be busier and i'll not have time to dwell on such things!